Everyone always says, why you so anxious, just calm down. You’ll be fine. That isn’t true, my anxiety is always bad but I’ve learnt over the past few months to control it a lot better but I’d never say it’s 100% gone. But having someone you feel happy and safe around does help. It’s scary trying to open up and trust someone again after feeling utterly fucked over, but the feeling of happiness and knowing you can be yourself around someone is honestly the best feeling. It’s a strange feelings because I’ve never been with someone who actually makes me feel happy without feeling anxious around them. My depression recently has been bad, I’ve been poorly with the flu on and off for a month which has limited how much exercise I can do, which is hard for me as working out is my stress relief. The hardest feeling is feeling complete because then I start overthinking and then I get poorly with my depression and anxiety.
I didn’t get embarrassed off my depression, however recently I find it harder than ever to admit that it’s bad sometimes, I feel like I can’t tell anyone because they will judge you and you’ll lose them. I see in their eyes disappointment and it kills me, I see it in my parents eyes. My boyfriends and it hurts because I don’t want let them down. 😥 but I’m getting better, I know I’m off to the US which could’ve been a better decision, I will miss my boyfriend and family but this opportunity is one I couldn’t miss. It makes me feel proud.
The next few posts will be getting better and my journey to fitness for America 🇺🇸